That title is perhaps a little misleading as it implies that there is only one problem with sleep deprivation, when in fact, the list of problems is likely endless.
For the first three months of her life, Annabel slept in a bassinet next to our bed. I needed her there. I needed to be able to hear her, to know that at any point, I could sit up and look in on her. She made a lot of noises in those early weeks and months, and it kept me up. That wasn’t ideal, but it was still better (to me) than the thought of her not being beside me. As she got older, she started to sleep lighter and I noticed that anytime Nathan rolled over (very loudly I might point out!), she would stir. If either of us got up to use the restroom, she would stir. When Nathan snored (I’m certain I never did), she would stir. Now neither of us were getting good sleep.
So right around when she turned 3 months, we moved her bassinet into her bedroom and hooked up the baby monitor. I also insisted on some background noise because I’d heard wonders about babies and white noise while sleeping. It worked like a charm, and Annabel started consistently sleeping from about 8pm-5am. She’d wake up to eat, and then she was back asleep until 7 or 8, sometimes 8:30 or even 9am!
I had the audacity to complain about her 5am feeding, wondering how I would survive going back to work and essentially waking up at 5am since there would be no use in going back to bed after that. I needn’t have worried though. The night before I was scheduled to return to work, she didn’t wake up at 5am! Oh, no. She woke at 2:45. And then again at 4:50. And then again at 6am, meaning that we both had to get ready while she was awake. That wasn’t part of the plan. Apparently she missed that memo.
And so it’s gone. EVERY night since I’ve been back at work. The times vary, but she’s always up multiple times. Last night for example, she went to bed at 8:45pm, then woke at 12:45am, 3:45am, and then 6:30am for the day. And sometimes it takes an hour to put her to bed at night.
I have no idea what happened or how to fix it. I just know that I’m losing my mind and feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown of some sort. I don’t think she’s hungry when she wakes all of those times, but inevitably, I end up feeding her because it’s the only thing that will calm her and get her back to sleep. And when it’s 1:00am and I’ve only been asleep for a few hours and I’m going on days of very little sleep, it’s exceedingly difficult to think rationally about the long term effects my feeding her might be having on her ability to sleep well. And even when I go in there with the notion that I’ll just get her back to sleep without feeding her, I always cave. Sleep always wins out over minutes and minutes of rocking, swaying, and bouncing her back to sleep while she cries.
I’ve even gotten into the bad habit of bringing her back to bed with me just to get a tiny bit more sleep after that 4 or 5am wake up. I know.
We’ve tried not going in there and hoping she’ll go back to sleep by herself, but all that seems to accomplish is waking her up further and making it even more difficult to eventually get her back to sleep. It’s all a vicious cycle and one I’m ready to see end. I am constantly reminding myself that with babies, everything is temporary. The bad stuff, but also the good.
So for now, I’m taking the bad with all of the good. And don’t get me wrong: there is SO much good! But sometimes it’s hard to concentrate on that, hell it’s hard to concentrate on anything with the lack of sleep!
In conclusion, who wants to keep my baby for a night? Just one? 
