It’s Official!

So after lots of thinking and imagining and soul searching on my part as well as some major number-crunching on Nathan’s part, I’ve decided to leave my job. My last day will be May 30.

When I’m having a good day at work, I find myself letting a little bit of sadness creep in about this. Yesterday I presented to a group of 5th graders and really felt myself come alive. They were fantastic, and the more I work with school-aged kids, the more I feel that could be my calling. And that’s when the doubt starts to seep in. Am I doing the right thing? Will I miss this? Will my brain turn to mush being at home? Will I ever be employable again after taking so much time off? Is it the right decision for Annabel? Would she learn more at daycare? My mind is flooded with worries and concerns and fears.

But when I think about it, when I really think about all of those questions and anxieties, I land at the place where I feel confident in my decision. I feel confident that my awareness of such concerns will propel me to do everything in my power to avoid such issues. I plan to finally really pursue a side business in photography. I plan to continue to read and score college admission essays for my office to keep my brain engaged and my office network intact. I plan to find an organization for which I can volunteer. I plan to have a set schedule full of activities and (cheap) field trips planned for Annabel, just like daycare. I plan to cook more and expose it to Annabel as well. My new gluten-free lifestyle is certainly going to require more creativity!

{She doesn’t learn domestic duties at daycare and I think there is real value in those things. I don’t say that as an anti-feminist or because she’s a girl, but because she is a human and one day will need to know how to do her own laundry, cook her own meals, and clean her own bathroom. Unless she somehow becomes independently wealthy and decides to hire help for these tasks, that is.I didn’t really learn a lot of this as a kid, so I’ve had to do some catching up!}

I have lots of plans. I have lots of ideas. And I have lots of hope. I’m hopeful that this will prove to be the right thing for our family. I’m hopeful that Annabel will one day appreciate this, and that she too will see the value in her time spent with me. I’m hopeful that this decreases a bit of the stress in our house over trying to get everything done on the weekends and weeknights. But mostly I’m thankful. I know what a gift and luxury it is to spend this special time with my daughter, and I’m just so damn grateful that we’ve found a way for me to do it.

Here’s to new adventures with my best girl!