Wishing my life away…

Exciting things are going to be happening in the next several weeks, and I can’t wait! At the end of July, we’ll be taking a vacation to the Outer Banks, North Carolina to watch one of my dear friends get married. Then by August 14 at the latest, I’ll be an aunt again! I’m so excited for both of these things. I can’t wait to take a vacation and I really can’t wait to meet my new niece or nephew….we don’t know who is in there yet! I’ve got my money on it being a girl, but then again I said that with the last two and I was wrong, so I’m guessing I’ll be wrong again (yes, I’m trying to reverse “psychologize” myself!). But statistics would indicate that I have to be right eventually! Right?

Anyway…as is the case whenever exciting things loom in my future, I find myself wishing my life away. Wishing it were already the end of July and then the middle of August (in this instance). Looking forward to this. Then looking forward to that. Never just content in the moment. That’s where the title of this blog comes from in fact…my inability to just be content. Just be. In the moment, right here and right now. Why is that so difficult for me? And as a result of this constant state of looking forward and not focusing on the present, I also find myself looking back on occasion and longing for the simpler days because I wasn’t fully appreciating them while they were happening. Why is it so hard for humans to just live in the moment? {I say humans because I assume and HOPE that this is a problem for everyone and not just me!} Afterall, it’s what we have. The past is over and done with and no amount of thinking about it can bring it back. And the future, well it’s not even guaranteed.

I know these things, and yet I still find this so challenging. I think it’s been a lifelong struggle to be honest. I can remember being a kid and seeing all of the privileges that my older brother had, but that I couldn’t have because I wasn’t big enough yet. So I’d fantasize about when I’d be old enough to do all of the cool things that he could do. I’d go to the grocery store with my mom and request to push the cart; I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to go to the store all by myself, buy whatever I wanted and pay for it with my own money. Ha. Now I’d love the opportunity to go grocery shopping with my mom and on her dime! 🙂 I couldn’t wait to be in high school because high school was going to be so cool! Yeah, not so much. I couldn’t wait to turn 16 and get my driver’s license and my own car. I didn’t think about all of the upkeep that a car requires…and the insurance…and the gas. Then I couldn’t wait to go to college, to finally move out and be on my own in the world. All of a sudden buying my own groceries, paying my own electric bills and being an adult didn’t seem like as much fun! Yes there were new freedoms (and that was awesome), but there were also lots of new responsibilities.

So as I sit on the edge of my seat in anticipation of exciting things to come, I’m trying to remind myself of and be grateful for all of the wonderful things I have going on right now. Today. Because I know someday I’ll look back on this time in my life and miss it if I don’t appreciate it for what it is right now. And what it is is wonderful. So, future Adrianne, I hope you enjoyed these days!

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